Giving birth grey

As in grey hair(s). As in deeply etched in crows feet. As in I'm tired, but still ecstatic. It's been a decade since I have given birth. A DECADE. This may not seem like such a big deal for some people, but to me it's a crazy-big deal. I gave birth to 4 babies in 5 years; 2000, 2002, 2003 & 2005. Baby making, birthing and lactating is all I knew for awhile. And it made me feel complete. I was put here on this planet to Mom, and Mommin' is what I excelled at.

But then, life happened. And 10 years has gone by. 10 Years not full of birth, babies, and Mom dates at swimming pools teaching our toddlers to swim. 10 Years has gone by and it's been full of a different kind of growth. Growth of me. I've had to work full time and put my baby in day care- a baby I still breastfeed and slept with. I couldn't be a stay at home Mom anymore. I had to figure out how to raise my children on only my income. And I did.

 Mixed in those 10 years of various full time jobs were love relationships that eventually feel apart but that I am still so grateful for, new friendships with people who didn't have children (this was a biggy- I didn't think we would have anything in common!). I went to college, earned one of those fancy degrees. I learned I loved free time, and jogging, and yoga, and dancing, and yes- vodka cranberries. I found a new me. I liked her. She was complimentary with the Mom me. I had found a balance, with Mommin' and working, playing and free time and dating.
Fast forward those 10 years.
I am now 33.
I am engaged.
I work full time.
I am pregnant.
 My kids are 14, 11 and 9 (so soon to be 15, 12 &10. Double digit take over!). My fiancee also has a daughter who is soon to be 10.
My new life is full of big kids, and budgeting, and family vacations. And soon a baby. A baby that will tie the new me with the old me. Because I need both, because I love both. Because both the full time young Mama Erin who devoted her entire being to raising her babies, and the full time working, fun, single Mama Erin are still in me. They will never leave me. They complete me, like this new baby will. A full circle of life, a colorful life, to bring me back to my first true love; birth.

Full belly (but not quite yet done)